Back Story About the Music
"Many of you want to know how I came to write my songs. I appreciate your interest and support. On this page and with the help of Matt Jordan of KOBI TV, I share my creative experience and how I came to release my CD, Blind. Enjoy! - Matia
Watch Video by Reporter Matt Jordan
WHEN I CAN'T SPEAK
When I Can't Speak - Sometimes the first time you play something, there is a magic that cannot be replicated. This was our experience of this song. And even though there were things that perhaps we would have perfected if we had recorded it again and again, we just loved it so much as it was, we realized that authenticity is what made it so special. When I Can't Speak is a song about finding your own way through the pain of your own life's struggles - finding your own kind of faith, and strength in your own unique way - and doing it with what you've been given and not focusing on those things that have been taken away. I would say this song is very much the theme of my life - trying to make the best of every circumstance-and keeping faith that there are reasons for everything.
Blind is a song about trying to understand all of the things that happen in life-trying to see them through the most loving and empathetic eyes - which, isn't always easy to do. I wrote this song during a very down time when I really felt at a loss. My struggle to understand so many things around me in this world comes up as a constant, as does the hope that there is a higher reason for the things we don't understand. This was another song we recorded first time around and kept it as it was - mistakes and all. We only added backgrounds to it and a couple of other instruments. Kenny and I just love that authentic sound that is made during recording that sometimes you get lucky and catch the first time around.
TURNED INTO THE BLUE
I am not really sure how I came up with this expression - it just came to me. The words kept coming into my head as I was driving home in traffic from work over and over again, week after week until I realized, “oh oh, I have to try and write this down - I think this could be a cool song.” After I wrote down all of the words and the melody that had been in my head-I sat and tried to figure it out on the piano. The expression "Turned Into The Blue", for me, means everything just kind of turned out alright - a different version of beautiful than the one that may have been envisioned for so long. So many of us when we are very young think we know exactly how life will go, and it often turns out differently from that vision. The song is sung in a kind of a love song-sung from one person's perspective and then the other's.. Both people were thinking that they knew what life would hold and it didn't turn out that way. But in the end that different version is a different kind of beautiful.
We all carry the pain of our childhood - that's normal. What we do with that... is our choice. I believe in love and forgiveness repairing pain. I have two little girls and they are my world. And this song is about me loving them and trying to repair my own childhood pain by giving them all of my unconditional love. I am pretty sure they don't understand this song now - but one day - they will.
IF YOU WON'T HOLD ME
This is just a kind of fun song about being hopelessly in love with someone who you are not sure is really noticing you. I don't often write songs that don't have deeper meanings, but this one was fun to write and it's fun to listen to. Most of us have been through it, at least once:).
I ALREADY KNOW
In life — most of us have had our heart deeply broken at one time or another - this song is about the discovery of infidelity, and the heartaches that follows rings through the entire song. There is a point in the song where there is the realization that we all may sometimes fall from grace she contemplates forgiveness.
STANDING IN THE SKY
Standing in the Sky is a really important song for me. My whole life has been an obsession with the struggle between faith and doubt and the million questions between. This song is that longing to find signs and answers to those questions....does God exist, and if so, in what form. "Are you standing in the sky" is written to mean that man cannot stand in the sky. "Are you breathing in the ocean", man cannot breathe in the ocean. So the question is, "Is that where God is?"
I wrote this next song when my husband asked me why all of my songs were so heavy. He asked why I couldn't write up an beat super happy song. We would laugh. I have been heavy my whole life. I was born that way :). So I went into the other room with my guitar for about 30 minutes and I came out with this song. It's a song about loving him and our lives together. But this is a song for any two people who have been together for a long time and can't imagine....not.
DON'T BREAK MY HEART
We all love, we all smile, we all hurt. Relationships are complicated, no matter the context. To be in a relationship is to be responsible for another person's feelings-to carry them like a fragile piece of glass in your hands. I am not only referring to someone with whom you are in a love relationship with but also other relationships-siblings, friends, etc... When your heart has been broken carrying the burden of that blame, anger, or sorrow is often too heavy to bear. This song is about letting all of that go and facing the person that broke your heart and forgiving them. Not always easy to do!
SOMETHING IN HIM
Please listen closely to the lyrics of this next song because it sounds as if I am singing about being in love with someone else. But that's not the point of the song. This song is about how easy it is to find infatuation-but knowing that true love is stronger than that.
IT'LL BE ALRIGHT
My personal struggle with the existence of God includes my struggle with the idea of death. Life is fragile and many of us live very aware of the delicate line between life and death. This song is about fearing death - facing it, and one's own mortality - and imagining what it will be like before and after crossing over.
This is the last song on the album which is funny because it was the first of this set of music that I wrote when music had re-found it's place in my life. It was the song I played for Kenny to ask him what he thought about my songwriting. The song is my imagining how I will feel as an old woman looking back on my life. The hope that I will have done everything I could do to be the best person I could be and to live with integrity, honesty and, grace.